I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
