fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
