My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
