so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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