dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
