My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
