Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
