i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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