Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
