I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
