hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
