my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
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Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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