So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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