I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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