dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
