I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
