I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
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