i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.