seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.