Texts From Last Night

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  (905): View more from Toronto

  Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.

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  (905): Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have. http://tfl.nu/x1lg
  Replies (8) Good night (791) Bad night (2191)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.

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  (513): Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere. http://tfl.nu/ay2u
  Replies (11) Good night (5246) Bad night (561)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..

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  (740): I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep.. http://tfl.nu/e7l5
  Replies (39) Good night (8265) Bad night (837)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.

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  (703): I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is. http://tfl.nu/7kmq
  Replies (53) Good night (849) Bad night (3148)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??

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  (905): I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet?? http://tfl.nu/qgms
  Replies (145) Good night (2427) Bad night (8588)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  did you answer or finish?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  both

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  (404): Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called? (1-404): did you answer or finish? (404): both http://tfl.nu/gzoz
  Replies (27) Good night (7450) Bad night (1076)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together

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  (570): you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together http://tfl.nu/6q67
  Replies (20) Good night (7618) Bad night (1244)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized

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  (541): does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized http://tfl.nu/g99b
  Replies (12) Good night (3840) Bad night (1094)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible

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  (816): I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible http://tfl.nu/v92i
  Replies (3) Good night (2350) Bad night (753)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.

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  (814): Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever. http://tfl.nu/him8
  Replies (2) Good night (1399) Bad night (1510)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.

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  (406): He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell. http://tfl.nu/7ioa
  Replies (11) Good night (1311) Bad night (878)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.

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  (586): He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs. http://tfl.nu/txkv
  Replies (10) Good night (1555) Bad night (516)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka

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  (817): Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka http://tfl.nu/xkay
  Replies (9) Good night (606) Bad night (1271)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...

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  (702): It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall... http://tfl.nu/3zyu
  Replies (6) Good night (534) Bad night (687)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch

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  (913): It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch http://tfl.nu/1u6j
  Replies (0) Good night (504) Bad night (278)

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