If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.