my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER