I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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