he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
