she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize