the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
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