i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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