Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
