i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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