forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
