Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
