i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
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i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
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I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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