I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
