i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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