That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
