Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
