oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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