So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
