Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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