R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
