..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
