Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
