Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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