Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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