This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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