Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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