where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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