Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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