Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
