I can't breathe out the right side of my face
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Randomize
