I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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