these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
