Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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