R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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