I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
