if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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