you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
