no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
