So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
