I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
