READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
