did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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