Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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