i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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