Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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