Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Less talking, more tequila
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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