Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
