so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
