woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
