You're my little dorito
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize