There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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