i need an iv and a liver transplant
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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