just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My dick has a subreddit
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
