this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
