Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .

Fav 12 1985 2757
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(714): View more from California

we're chasing vodka with high fives

Fav 38 17868 1485
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(562): View more from California

...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are

Fav 11 4952 884
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(630): View more from Illinois

the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.

Fav 9 6272 1231
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(317): View more from Indiana

she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...

Fav 8 2998 1072
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(614): View more from Ohio

How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?

Fav 9 2569 1028
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.

Fav 10 2006 1228
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(740): View more from Ohio

I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.

Fav 1 15 73
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(241): View more from

Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?

Fav 0 8 76
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