I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
