I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
